Sunday, February 27, 2011

Day #59 Not that bad?

Yesterday I got home on time from a non-stressful day at work and was really hungry. While waiting for dinner I starting eating doritos...which wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't had snacks at work which used up all my "snack" calories. I normally eat around 1550 calories and yesterday I had a little over 2000. I don't feel guilty about it and i'm moving on. Does that make me a bad person?

The main reason why I don't feel guilty is because I didn't eat them because I was stressed or eating my emotions, I just wanted them! I'm not on a diet, I didn't "cheat", I ate something I wanted to eat when I wanted to eat it. I did, however, cheat my body by giving it empty calories!

Today I had 1581 calories. Like I said, I moved on :-D!

How did YOU do today?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Deliriously Happy :-D

You know how I thought that my size 16's only fit me because they were old and worn in? Well, I went to old navy today to see if I can find shorts for my upcoming vacation and I tried on 16's and they fit perfectly! I also bought XL shirts and they fit really well (instead of needing 2X's)! I have been on cloud 9 16 ever since :-D!

Day #57 Weigh-In

My official weigh in was 214.2! Down 3.6 for the week and 35.8 overall :-D! I'm 4.2 lbs away from beating my goal of 210 lbs by March 10th (13 days away).

My fingers have been really swollen and the college ring I could put on my right ring finger before won't even go over the knuckle...I think I have arthritis from all the typing/texting i've done over the last 7 years. I also notice that when I get home from work my fingers are puffy and hurt to move from all of the twisting and manipulating I do of iv tubing, medications, syringes, the blood pressure machine and of course from documenting (with pen and paper!). Everyone on my mom and dad's side of the family has arthritis (the bad kind that twists your fingers permanently) and I hope that I can keep that at bay for as long as possible!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day #56 NSV!

The day before yesterday while I was getting ready I put on my usual size 18 jeans and a 2X shirt and when I looked in the mirror I looked ridiculous! My jeans were baggy all over and my top was like a tent. My belt only has four holes and I need a fifth hole now (i'm going to make one instead of buying a new belt).

So I decided to try on my size 16 jeans and they fit! They are even loose on my legs but perfect on my stomach and I wore an XL top and I felt comfortable :-)! I don't know if these particular 16's fit because I used to wear them all the time and they are stretched out, but I don't care, because they are 16's and they FIT ME! Woohoo!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Day #54 Chugging along & New Goal

I have worked the last four days in a row and I am exhausted! These last few days have been physically exhausting (symptomatic sick patients require a lot of runing around) and emotionally exhausting (I actually cried at work). I've been chugging along, eating my calories, sometimes a little under, sometimes over, but still eating with the intention of providing nutrition for my body and not indulging for emotional satisfaction. It would have been very easy these past four days to turn to food for comfort, and i'm really proud of myself for not doing that.

My new goal is to be at or under 210 by March 10th. Why that date? Because i'm going on vacation :-) I will have a really glorious 10 days off in a row. This will be my first vacation since committing to weight loss. It will be stateside so I can still count calories using my phone and find the nutritional value of most foods. Plus I will be with my sister who always helps keep me motivated :-)

Friday, February 18, 2011

Day #50 & Facing the Music

I decided to stop being such a baby and face the music scale. Even though I have only been doing this for 50 days, 1/7 of the year, to me it feels like a long time (ok, an eternity haha!). I felt as if all of this work has been a great success and one bad weigh in can't take all of that success away.

Sooo, without further ado....I just got home from work right now and when I stepped on the scale I weighed 217.8! That brings my total weight loss to 32.2 lbs and my weekly weight loss to 2.4 lbs. I'm glad I put a little bit more faith in myself and decided to weigh, and am really happy with the results!

Thank you for your support :-)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day #49 To Weigh or not to Weigh?

On Monday night after work I weighed 218.6 for a total loss of 31.4 lbs! I beat my goal of getting into the 210's by the end of February!!! I was really happy and called my sister immediately to tell her. I decided I wouldn't post it here until it was "official" and I weighed the same (or less) tomorrow.

The last couple days i've been feeling STARVING, moody, ginormous, and i'm also breaking out. Since I have the mirena iud I don't have a normal cycle and can never predict when it will come, but I have a feeling it will be soon.

So basically because I know the scale won't reflect all the hard work i've put in I don't want to weigh tomorrow and just want to wait until next Friday to weigh. I'm so scared that a gain so early on would devastate me and I don't want to risk it.

For the most part I haven't struggled with hunger after eating all of my calories but this week I wanted to eat everything in sight, and god forbid someone else eat something high cal in front of me! I'll do a spot check tomorrow and if it's not the same or less than earlier this week i'm not going to post a weight until next Friday.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day #47: New Sizes, Ups & Downs

Today I went to Far Away City for my LASIK follow up and bought new scrubs while I was there. I used to wear a 2X top and XL bottom and I am now an XL on top and L on bottom! I was so happy :-D!!!

I also saw one of my besties while I was there and the compliments made me feel really good! Today I also got a backhanded compliment that made me sad. Last month I wrote out a list of motivators, and one of them was this:

"Every time I start a "diet" my mother in law talks to me in this tone of voice that says "we'll see how long this lasts". She even one time said, well, let's see if you can stick with it. I will prove her wrong."

I was talking to my MIL today and I told her I went down in scrub sizes and she said "well I hope you can keep up with it this time because you'll definitely feel better". I just wanted to hang up and cry because she made me feel like she has no confidence in me. But I held it in and didn't let her know it bothered me.  I honestly don't think she is trying to be mean, but it just hurts.  I KNOW I can do this forever. I'm sure I will have weight fluctuations just like "normal" people do. I'm trying to have confidence in myself and ignore mean statements like this.

Speaking of "normal" people, during my drive today I thought about stopping and getting a "snack" for the trip. I rationalized with myself that "normal" people do this. I decided not to because I know I don't have a normal relationship with food. I'm glad I didn't end up stopping.

NSV's for today: new sizes and not stopping for road snacks!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day #45 - Now with Pictures!

I can't believe it's already day 45. It's going by so fast! I wish I could flash forward to a year from now for a moment and see where i'm at. In my head i'm at my goal size (8) and weight (140-150). By the way i'm 5'8" so i'm not sure if those goals are realistic or not, but they are not hard and fast. I'll have to see how I feel once I get closer to those numbers.

When people notice your weight loss do you feel happy or insulted? I feel ecstatic! One of my husband's best friends is in town and the first day he was here he didn't say anything. He told my husband privately that he noticed I had lost a lot of weight but didn't want to say anything to me because he didn't want to insult me by implying I was "big" before. I told him not at all and the comments help keep me motivated.

Work called this morning and asked me if I wanted to come in, but i'm already working 4 this week starting tomorrow with only one day off before I start my next four so I said no, even though I really want the money for our spring break vacation. It's just not worth it to me to be an unsafe nurse for extra cash.

Instead I decided to paint the den/gym/entertainment room. I'm painting the accent wall a very light mint, it's called "Pirate Coast" and the other walls a cream color. Even though these are relaxing colors I'm going to decorate it with pops of color to make it more vibrant. I felt like I had to paint with neutrals because we're renting and it's actually the first room to your left when you walk into the house and I didn't want it to be a stereotypical crazy gym color.



Friday, February 11, 2011

Day #43 Gratitude, Frustrations, and Weigh In


I'm so grateful to all the people that read and comment on this blog -- YOU are a big part of helping me help myself stay accountable. I get my emails on my phone and whenever I get a new comment here I get an email. These emails literally make me grin from ear to ear, so THANK YOU!!!


Up until this week I have felt like a freight train plowing down the pounds, my net calories per day had been in the 2000's and lower 3000's. By net calories I mean the amount of calories I burned after subtracting the amount of calories i've eaten for the day. I use the calorie counter app on my phone. It allows me to put in my calories eaten, calories burned, current weight and it calculates my net calories per day for me. Because of my surgery this week I haven't been able to exercise. These were my net calories this week:

Before Surgery:
Saturday: 1979
Sunday: 2073
Monday: 1930
Surgery & Post Surgery:
Tuesday: 875
Wednesday: 947
Thursday: 1170

Weigh In

My weigh in today was 220.2. I have been stuck at 220.2 since Monday. From Friday to Monday I lost 1.8 lbs. On Monday I thought, surely by Friday I will have beat my goal of getting into the 210's!!! Boy was I WRONG! Because of my lack of activity and higher calorie intake I was about 500 calories off from losing another pound.

I was really sad. Instead of taking comfort in food I decided that I would see the loss eventually if I just kept it up. I made my egg sandwich for breakfast and cut down on the calories by cutting out the cheese. Because I saved calories from breakfast I had more to eat for lunch, so I opted for a really filling lunch from Wendys. I had a 5 ct nuggets, small chili, two cracker packets, 1/3 the ranch dipping sauce, and a half serving of the value fries for a total of 663 calories :-). I like to stick to 500 calories or less but I had a really strong craving for fries and I knew if I didn't have them I would try to fill that void with other foods and never be satisfied. I'm proud that I portioned out half the serving by using my food scale and throwing the other half away immediately, a major NSV!

Another NSV is that my size 18 jeans that used to fit tight on my stomach and loose everywhere else now fight loose everywhere. I tried on my size 16 jeans and they're comfortable but not too loose on my legs and tight on my stomach, as in they give me a muffin top, haha! BUT THEY FIT! I could button them without a struggle :-)

I'm committing to eating my 1550 or less calories per day and exercising on the days I don't work this week, I have my freight train momentum back :-) and I can't wait to see the results next week!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Day #41 I can SEE!!!!!!

I had my LASIK surgery done yesterday and at my 24 hour post op appointment my right eye was 20/15 and my left eye 20/20, overall 20/15. I'm VERY happy :-)

I ate dinner at 5pm today and now i'm really hungry and "out of calories". I'm going to drink a glass of water and go to bed :-)

I'm really looking forward to my weigh in on Friday!


This past week I wore my college ring on my left hand (my left hand ring finger is smaller than my right hand ring finger) and I was REALLY really happy :-) :-) :-)

I used to wear my belt on the third notch, now I use the fifth notch!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Day #38 What am I eating?

Yesterday and today at work people have started noticing my weight loss and the first question is always, what are you doing? What diet are you on? I tell them i'm eating less and working out more and they don't believe me! One person insisted and said, "tell me a list of foods I can eat". I told her, everything! I eat everything I love and nothing I don't, just smaller portions. The hardest part of this journey for me has been reprogramming my relationship with food. I'm addicted to food, I love food, but I need to eat food every day to survive. That's like telling a heroin addict to only inject a little bit of heroin each day!

I had originally started out with the intention of doing weight watchers, but since the plan changed and my app stopped working on my phone I decided to calculate how many calories I needed to eat from the points value I was at for my weight and  came up with 1550 calories. Even though i've lost 28 pounds I haven't adjusted my calorie count. I'm saving that for when I plateau! I don't want to cut out any calories I don't have to, haha!

Today I had my favorite egg sandwich for breakfast (1 slice of whole wheat bread, 1/2 slice of 2% sharp cheddar cheese, 1 large egg scrambled and 1 T. ketchup for 181 calories) and Rudy's BBQ for lunch (half a lean beef brisket sandwich, half a serving of potato salad, pickles, and unsweet tea for 406 calories). I was full all day at work and didn't think about or calculate my calories for the day until I got home because I knew that both meals were low in calories. When I got home I realized I had only eaten 587 calories from the time I woke up at 530am to the time I got out of work at 730pm. That's crazy! I felt like I had to eat a lot of calories for dinner so I made chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, had bread, and had reduced fat chocolate chip cookies. Basically carb city, MY FAVORITE! I still only had 1437 calories today, but i'm quitting while i'm ahead today since I just ate a 850 calorie dinner.

~Nurse B

Friday, February 4, 2011

Day #36 Weigh In

Today I decided I wanted a "day off" from counting calories. I felt like I deserved it, after counting every morsel of food I put in my mouth for the last 35 days! You should try and keep a food log of everything you eat, it's time consuming and annoying when you're hungry.  I started fantasizing about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to eat, but at the same time only eating smaller portions and only eating to the point where I was comfortable, not binging or over-eating like before. 

My plans didn't exactly work out. We didn't get ready to go until almost 4, so we ate lunch really late. I had a personal pan pepperoni pizza from pizza hut and one breadstick (not the best choice, but my hubby wanted a lunch special so I wasn't about to order a whole pizza for myself)!). We then invited our best friends here in town to eat at Chili's. I had a game plan! I was going to order a cheeseburger (kids meal size) and have a cup of chicken enchilada soup instead of fries....well, they brought my soup first, then brought fries with my burger! Those jerks! Of course I had been wanting the fries the whole time so I ate them. I ended up at 1700 something calories for the day, which is surely much less than I would have eaten on my "day off" but still more than I like to eat in one day. I also ate much less than I would normally have eaten at this restaurant. I feel full but not stuffed. Today was a good day.

I'm really frustrated with all the people that were "doing this with me". Because of their job, their stress, etc, they have one by one dropped off, and I feel like i'm the only one "still standing". That's ok for now. I knew I needed the support in the beginning, but now that i've been making real changes and am seeing results, I know I can do it on my own. I know i'll probably need them back once the weight loss slows down or when I gain, but like I said, for now, i'm doing ok.

My current weigh in is 222.0! Down 3.8 lbs this week and 28 lbs total! I've lost 10% of my initial body weight!!! Yay! My blood pressure is awesome, I have more energy, my clothes fit better, and people are starting to notice the weight loss.

I'm making up the guidelines i'm following on this journey one day at a time, and i'm having a hard time with  two decisions right now. First, should I allow myself a non-counting day? Can I handle that? Can I handle counting everything the day after? Second, what will my new goal be? I thought I wanted it to be "get into the 2teens by the end of Feb, but it's only the 4th and i'm already 2 lbs away. I need a new goal. I want it to be somewhere between attainable and lofty.


-I had to put my engagement ring on before my wedding band because I have this fear that it's going to slide off. I've caught it on my knuckle a couple times already :-S.
-I also noticed my wrist bones for the first time in a long time.

These little NSV's are making me so happy :-) I can't wait until the day my college ring fits again :-)! That's one of my first major goals.

Back to work tomorrow!