Saturday, December 10, 2011

Day #347 MORE Surgery Updates!

As I was driving into work on Thursday I got a call from my bariatric coordinator saying they could do my h. Pylori test done right that moment! So I called into work saying I would be late and got it taken care of. I'm negative! I love my surgeon and my bariatric coordinator but the front desk person in his office does not like me at all. Sometimes she just looks away from me and ignores me when I ask her questions she doesn't know the answers to. I guess it's a trade off I am willing to put up with in exchange for an amazing surgeon.

All that is left is to submit to my insurance and see if they approve me. I'm going to submit my fmla request this week and then I just wait until the second week of January to start my two weeks of preop shakes and low fat meals to shrink my liver. I'm so excited!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Day #344 Realizations & Surgery Updates

Recently one of my patients had his probation officer visit him, and was telling him about how he came clean after being a drug abuser for 27 years. One of the things that struck me was him describing drug abuse. He said that drug abusers are constantly looking for that same feeling that they had the first few times they did their drug of choice. Each time after that it doesn't feel as good, and eventually it just makes you feel bad. That's exactly how I feel about food. The first bite is so good, and then each bite after that tastes a little bit less awesome, until eventually eating it just makes me feel bad. He told my patient that he doesn't ever drink beer, because when he does he would always make the bad decision to do his drug. That made me so sad because I can never abstain from eating food! I need to eat it to survive! Having surgery is going to be such an awesome tool for me because I will get that "makes you feel bad" feeling much quicker.

Speaking of surgery, I have major updates for you! I went to weigh in with the nutritionist today and I was so close my goal weight that he said he would sign me off. It doesn't hurt that he's one of my buddies from work :-p Then I went to my bariatric coordinator and she is going to try and help me do my H. Pylori breath test on a non-Monday (the only days they offer them) because I work every Monday. She also asked me when I want to have surgery so I told her sometime towards the end of January and we looked at the calendar and decided on January 23rd! It's not an official date yet, but hopefully it will be soon :-)  I also went to the pre-op class today and picked up an FMLA application from HR so i'm so close! I'm so excited!!!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Day #340 Back on track and feeling better :-)

Since my last meltdown post I had a week and a half off of work in ICU. I've worked a few shifts in PACU but those are not very stressful. I feel refreshed and ready to go back to ICU tomorrow. I took (dis) advantage of the time off to eat like crap and gained. I hadn't gained or lost anything up until the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but then I got a little out of control.  My highest weight was 220. This was a huge wake up call since I have a weigh in with the nutritionist coming up and I'm supposed to weigh 210 lbs! Yikes! I'm back on the wagon and already down to 217.2. I also did 7.5 miles of walking/jogging/biking today with one of my best friends who was in town and even though i'm tired, it felt awesome. I've even started tracking on!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Day #326 Struggling & Weigh-In

The last 13 days have been tough. I've been working 5 shifts a week with an extra shift of being on call. I try to rest up on my days off, but it's just not enough to only have one day off at a time. I find myself getting frustrated faster and am just not myself. I also feel like i'm pushing away my friends at work leaving me feeling isolated and it makes being at work more difficult. I've also been getting difficult assignments, which doesn't help the situation. I have also had a really bad UTI six out of those thirteen days, adding to my misery.

I've been counting calories using myfitnesspal but I haven't been bike riding :-(. I completely forgot to weigh in last Saturday and by the time I remembered it was already night time. Fast forward to today and I was scared to step on the scale. There have been a couple days where I went over my calorie limit so I was very happy when I looked down and saw 216.2! That's a loss of 1.6 lbs over the last two weeks. Losing weight is truly a difficult battle and am very happy that I was able to lose during this rough time.

I worked Sunday in order to have this Saturday off and my work called me this morning demanding to know who had given me off today, insinuating that I had given it to myself and changed it on the schedule. I don't even know where this is coming from as I have never called in, never gotten in trouble, and always work really hard during my shifts. The whole being isolated from my "friends" and this crazy attitude of the second in command who called me this morning have me re-thinking a lot of decisions about where I want to work and where we want to build our home.

Around this time of year I really miss my siblings and am feeling blah. I'm trying not to let it hamper my weight loss attempts. To try and turn this blah feeling around i'm going to read some message boards and weight loss success stories to give me a boost.

In WLS news I had a follow up with my primary who already sent my letter of medical necessity, pulmonary and cardiac clearance. I told him I was thinking about having surgery towards the end of January and he said he would see me one more time right before my surgery.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Day #313 Vitamins & Dinner Pictures

I always love blogs with pictures, so I decided to add more to mine!

These are the vitamins i've been taking:

My vitamin D levels were critically low, so i'm taking one 2000 IU a day. I'm taking four biotin tablets every day to help grow my hair before surgery. I love these one a day vitacraves gummies with immunity support, they're a little bit sour and amazing!I take two of these every night. The caltrate gummy bites are new. These also have vitamin d, i'm supposed to take two of these twice a day according to the bottle. I've only been taking two once at night. I have another appointment with the nutritionist on Tuesday, so i'm going to take all of these supplements with me and see what he recommends.

For dinner I had these amazing tostadas:

Here's the breakdown on calories:
-corn tostadas two for 100 calories
-jennie-o 99/1 ground turkey breast 120 calories
-taco bell taco seasoning 20 calories
-half of an avocado 104 calories
-no fat refried beans 1/2 cup 100 calories
TOTAL: 444 calories for both tostadas!!! A-mazing!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Day #312 Another Appointment, Weigh-In and Dinner Picture!

I had another appointment in my weight loss surgery journey. I had to meet with a physical therapist. He said that i'm not eating enough calories and that my workouts are too intense. He said he's never had to tell a weight loss surgery candidate that before! I was eating about 1440 calories a daybefore, and he said I need to be eating somewhere between 1500 and 1700. I'm eating around 1590 right now. I'm also going to try to do 30 minutes of exercise a day, even on the days when I work and i'm dragging butt and just want to go to sleep.

He also mentioned to me that based on the levels of hormones in my body, water content, and various other factors, I need to weigh myself at the same time under the same conditions every single time no more than once a week. He said that each time you weigh yourself you could weigh up to 5 pounds more or 5 pounds less than your actual weight. So, for example, one week you might lose 6 lbs (but you actually only lost 2) and the next week you might gain 2 (but you actually lost 2!). So i'm going to weigh myself every Saturday after I wake up. This Saturday I weighed myself and i'm 217.8! I'm happy that i've lost, but still frustrated that i'm so far away from where I was before I gained weight on purpose.

We went to the grocery store today and stocked up on lots of yummy, nutritious food. Tonight for dinner I made 96/4 Extra Lean Ground Beef with garlic and onion tomato sauce, tortellini with cheese, and light caesar salad.

I served myself a 652 calorie portion because I had a ton of calories to use up. I could easily scale this back to a smaller portion and still feel satisfied.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Day #308 November Challenge Addition

Last post I said that this was going to be my November Challenge:

"My goal for November is to be under 210 lbs. I'm going to accomplish this by counting calories using and working out using my Garmin Fit app."

I want to add to that goal 100 miles of cycling! Today I did 12.6 miles! Only 87.4 more to go!!!

My bike ride today was so much harder than normal. I wanted to quit at least four times, and my husband almost came to pick me up when I felt like puking and passing out and actually had to sit down on the ground for 5 minutes, but I kept going. I made a few mistakes before this ride, first being that I didn't eat anything for breakfast first. I'm also fighting an upper respiratory tract infection which makes my asthma worse. The hardest factor was the wind, it was SO windy during my ride I felt like it was an uphill battle the whole time. I'm so glad I was able to overcome each obstacle I faced today!

The last two weeks have been a struggle for me eating wise, and my weight last week was 225 (a gain of 3 pounds). My weight this morning was 218.6! I'm so PROUD of myself! I need to be at 210.4 in order to qualify for the insurance to pay for my surgery. I'm just going to keep going until I get wheeled into that operating room...the lower I go, the easier job my surgeon will have! He says that every pound you don't lose or gain before surgery is like placing a brick in his hands.

I hope you had a great start to your November challenges as well!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Day #305 Another App, Progress and November Challenge!

I noticed that one of my cousin's has been posting her results from on facebook, and I became curious, but not curious enough to actually look into it. Then one of my best friends said he was doing it as well and then I really had to know what it was all about. I was using the calorie counter app from fat secret but the new update made it wonky and hard to use, so I had abandoned it. I started using the app on my phone (which was FREE!) and am IN LOVE! It's pretty easy to use and it lets your friends that are using it also see your progress. You can even comment on their status updates. It's like a facebook for weight loss.

The last few days I have eaten everything I could get my hands on. I think it's part hormonal and part fear that I need to eat everything I can't have after surgery now while I still can. That's not a smart way of thinking and I gave myself a giant wake up call today. I haven't lost any weight in the last two weeks and i'm disappointed in myself. I told the nutritionist at my last appointment that I could lose the 10% I need to lose for surgery in the first month and i've only lost about 5%. I'm excited that i'm halfway there but disappointed that I'm not where I could be if I had given 100%. My next appointment with the nutritionist is next week and i'm hoping that I can be closer to 7-8% of weight loss.

My goal for November is to be under 210 lbs. I'm going to accomplish this by counting calories using and working out using my Garmin Fit app.

PS. Hey Sue, ( I tried to post a comment on your blog for the November Biggest Loser Challenge and it wouldn't let me! I'm in buddy!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Day #302 Amazing Exercise App

I don't know why it's so hard for me to update my blog on the days I work, well, I do know, i'm so exhausted I fall asleep before I can do simple things like take my vitamins! I'm off today and then back to work tomorrow. I started working in the recovery room for overtime and i'm loving it, but working 3 twelve hour shifts, 2 9 hour shifts and taking call for 9 hours every week is starting to make me feel tired and less able to manage stress. I worked 9 out of the last 10 days and on days 7-9 I ate like crap!

I have the Nike + iPOD app that works with my shoes but it only tracks walking and running. I've been on the lookout for an app that allowed you to track biking since that's my newest obsession and found Garmin Fit. You input your height, weight, and age, select your activity and then start. You can even play songs from the library on your phone from inside the app. When you're exercising it shows where you're at on gps and at the end of your workout tells you your pace/mile, duration, calories burned and distance. I tried it today when I walked home from a friend's house, I did 2 miles in 34:05 minutes and burned 258 calories. I'm officially in love with this app. The best part was that it only cost 99 cents!!! A-mazing.

I hope you have a fantastic day tomorrow! I'm going to start making healthier eating choices as of my next meal, how about you?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Day #296 Taking care of myself, in more ways than one

I've worked every day since my last post and have a really hard time working out after a long shift. Today was my first day off and I rode my bike 10.8 miles in 83 minutes. Last time I did 10.6 miles in 90 minutes, so I was really excited to shave off 7 minutes while adding .2 miles! Riding my bike makes me feel so carefree, I don't think about anything and just enjoy the moment.

I also got a massage today, it felt amazing. I'm working six days this week (four 12 hour shifts and two 8 hour shifts) so I wanted to take today to really take care of myself.

I went to a support group for surgery last night. I have a friend that is doing the surgery with me and we went together. I like hearing stories from patients post op. The patient that spoke last night was one week post op and was looking and feeling great. I have to admit i've been having doubts about the surgery. I love to drink a ton of fluid with my meals. I wish that as hard as I work that I could lose and maintain weight without needing surgery. I haven't had a "normal" BMI since middle school and can't wait until I get there, even if it means surgery.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Day #291 Coffee Adventures, Weigh-In

I was addicted to coke. On the days I worked I would drink 2-3 20oz bottles of coke per day. I really don't like coffee, but have decided I need something to help me get through the ~13 hour days. When I was at the grocery store yesterday I asked my dad what brand of coffee he recommended (he's a coffee lover) and he said I should try eight 'o clock coffee. I decided to make it today and holy shiz! I have the type of coffee maker that grinds the beans and then makes the I eyeballed the amount of beans I put in. It ended up being about half a cup! For only 2 cups of water! According to my dad the grounds soak up water so I only ended up with one cup of coffee with half a cup of grounds...needless to say I accidentally made espresso, lol!

I weighed myself this morning (I tend to be a daily weigher) and I weighed 220.8. It's hard to see these high numbers especially after I had gotten down to 200 before but I will get there again. The 2teens are so close I can taste them! I hope to get down to 200 again before surgery. I also can't wait for my scrubs to fit me again...they fit so tight I look pregnant :-( Hopefully once i'm in the 200's they'll fit again.

Friday, October 14, 2011

NSV-Grocery Store Success :-)

I went to the grocery store today at 4pm just when I started feeling hungry. I remember the nutritionist saying that after surgery i'm going to have to take in 60-80 grams of protein and that initially during the liquids phase that isopure was really good. I grabbed a cold one and drank it throughout the store. It was alpine punch or something like that, 160 calories, 40g protein. OMG! It does not taste yummy.....but it definitely filled me up! I bought some grape ones for at home, I hope they taste better :-)

I also bought some Jenny-O turkey 99/1. I'm going to use it to make tostadas, i'll let you know how they turn out!

Update: They were awesome! Each tostada with fat free refried beans (from a can) and weight watchers mexican cheese was 200 calories. It tasted exactly like the extra lean ground beef tostadas I used to make all the time.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I feel like a 12 year old!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE riding my bike! I rode 10.6 miles today in 90 minutes. It was tough but fun. I love going down hills crazy fast with the wind at my face feeling like i'm flying...just like I did when I was 12! I have a very sore gluteus maximus!

I'm doing well eating-wise today also. After my ride I had Rudy's BBQ for lunch. I had half of an ultra lean brisket sandwich, half of a small container of potato salad, pickles, and unsweet tea. 406 calories. For a snack I had half of a pb&j sandwich for 215 calories. I've been trying to eat at least one serving of protein, one serving of carbs, and one serving of fruit/veggiese at each meal. I'm counting pickles for a vegtable :-p.

Since I slept through breakfast I have quite a few calories to spend and i'm contemplating dinner ideas.

On the WLS front, I saw my PCP, who is also a pulmonologist. He is writing my letter of necessity and giving me cardiac and pulmonology clearance. He's also the medical director of my unit which is totally awesome. He also prescribed me metformin to help with my insulin resistance.

I got a second job in recovery room today and i'm really excited about that! Today is just plain awesome. I hope you're having an awesome day too!

In response to a comment

Like you said, you don’t know me or my circumstances. I have severe insulin resistance, gaining weight after successful weight loss is inevitable. In order to maintain my weight loss and continue to lose I have to keep cutting down on calories and increasing my activity level. My insulin levels stay sky high making me feel like a starving lunatic 24/7. This surgery will eliminate my insulin resistance, allowing me to maintain weight loss for the rest of my life, and avoiding the diabetes and heart disease that my mom and maternal grandfather have.
Is it disappointing that I have to gain 30 lbs in order to have the surgery covered by insurance? Yes. I wish that with my risk factors and current comorbidities that my insurance would pay for it. But that’s not how it works, so if I have to play their game in order to avoid paying 20,000 out of my own pocket, then I will.
I’m not writing this blog to be an example to anyone, this blog is skinnynurseb-an icu nurse trying to lose weight, not skinnynurseb-do exactly as I do and you will lose weight too!. This is a BLOG, an online journal for ME to record my progress. Being a nurse has made me hyper-aware of the risks of the surgery as I understand exactly what they are. I have spent a great amount of time watching actual surgeries, speaking to patients of my surgeon, and reading experiences of others online. I’m not jumping into this because it’s the “easy” way out! Weight loss surgery is not the easy way out, and if you think that you’re ridiculous. Life after the surgery is difficult, mentally and physically. I’m as prepared for that as anyone can be until they begin to experience it themselves. I have an excellent support group to help me along the way.
I laugh at your statement about me not retaining any information from seminars because I’m just trying to jump through hoops. I have a second Bachelor’s degree…I understand nutrition better than 95% of the population. If I didn’t have insulin resistance I wouldn’t need this surgery as I would be able to maintain weight loss. I love to exercise and I love eating healthy foods.
My life isn’t going to dramatically change once “the weight” is off. I haven’t always been overweight. I started gaining weight when I hit puberty and developed PCOS, which triggered my insulin resistance. I’m a very confident, strong individual who knows what she wants in life and knows what she needs to do to get it. Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog!

Day #289 Changing Course

The last time I weighed in was June and I weighed 202.6. Over June and July I hovered between 200 and 212. Quite a few of my coworkers have had gastric sleeve's done and I was very curious. I did some research and read blogs (of course!) of people who have had the surgery done and decided that this was something I was very, very interested in doing. Unfortunately my BMI was only 30 and I wasn't a candidate to have my insurance company pay for the surgery.

After talking to one co-worker in particular I decided to gain enough weight to have a BMI of 35. It took me most of August and all of September but I finally weighed 233.4 on September 29. That's the date of my first appointment with my surgeon. The surgeon that I have chosen is awesome! He always comes to the unit to put in cvp's and is very skilled. He also used to be my neighbor, which is cool too.

So, these are the things i've done so far in order to meet the insurance requirements:
9/28 Attended Weight Loss Seminar at my hospital
9/29 First appointment with surgeon
10/5 1/2 Support Groups
10/6 Meeting with Bariatric Coordinator, 1st Nutritionist Appointment, Psych Eval (Passed)

On 10/6 I was cleared to start losing weight by the nutritionist (who happens to be my buddy!). I started on a 1500 ish calorie diet and have been trying to exercise on my days off. Most of my meals consist of chicken or ultra lean beef, pasta/rice, vegetable, and fruit.

On 10/7 I walked 3.5 miles to my Aunt's house and then she dropped me off at home. I worked the next 4 days.

On 10/12 I walked 3.8 miles to my Aunt's house (different path) and then rode her bike back to my house (different path) 4.5 miles. I had a drinkable tiny yogurt when I got there. For lunch I had a subway 6" ham and turkey sandwich on wheat bread with american cheese and avocado. I also had a broccoli and cheese soup with 4 club crackers. NO CHIPS! To drink I had crystal light. I had two chocolate chip cookies for 100 calories for dessert. For dinner my husband got chick-fil-a grilled chicken sandwiches and I had the fillet and bottom bun, he also cooked broccoli pasta, and corn. For dessert I had a jello chocolate pudding. Total calories for the day 1585. Estimated exercise calories ~830. I weighed in this morning at 222.0.

I have my appointment with my PCP who is also a pulmonologist tomorrow. He will write my letter of necessity and provide my pulmonology and cardiac clearance. After that i'm pending one more support group, a physical therapy eval, and monthly nutritionist visits until I have a total of 6, then submission to the insurance :-)

Friday, June 17, 2011

Day #176 Cruising

I'm just cruising along. Today was a great day at work, I had easy patients who were not very demanding and appreciated my hard work. I started getting really hungry about 2 hours before my shift was over and didn't pack any snacks and I was THIS close to going downstairs and grabbing something from the caf. Thankfully I didn't! I kept my eye on the prize (reaching that first huge goal of 50 lbs) and ate two saltine cracker packets (4 total) and drank water. I'm at 1400 calories for the day and i'm not eating anything else. 2.6 lbs! I just keep telling myself 2.6! whenever I have cravings. I hope you had a fantastic day as well :-)

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Day #175 Weigh-In & NSV

When I went out of town last week I took some clothes that don't fit me anymore to one of my best friends who is preggo and she gave me some clothes that she can't fit into anymore. I decided to wear a pair of shorts that she gave me today, size 18, and they are literally falling off as I walk to the point where my entire underwear are showing, lol. I had to come back home and add a belt!

Since I felt really skinny with these loose shorts I decided, what the heck, i'll weigh myself right now in the middle of the day, after eating lunch...and I weighed 202.6 lbs! That's a loss of 2 lbs from 3 days ago and a total loss of 47.4 lbs. After maintaining my weight loss for so many weeks it's as if i've started over with weight loss and am losing weight quickly. I'm enjoying it and definitely not complaining...I know it's going to get hard again and it's going to slow down, that's it just water weight, etc.

I worked at my office manager job today and caught up with everything there for half a day, but was off from the hospital. I work the next 5 days in a row which are going to be physically and mentally exhausting, but i'm going to keep thinking about all the fun my sister and I are going to have for those 5 days off in a row afterwards to get me through it!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Day #.....172? Re-dedicating myself to blogging :-)

Hi everyone! I'm back! The last few weeks have been a roller coaster as far as my weight goes. I have fluctuated between 206 and 211 the entire time. I didn't think about what I was eating, but I wasn't really gaining back all of the weight either. I consider my first attempt at maintaining my weight loss a success.

This past Thursday I re-dedicated myself to my weight loss journey. I weighed in at 211.8 before I left for going out of town that day, and behaved during my trip. I weighed myself when I got home from work today and I weighed 204.6! I was SO excited! I can't WAIT to get into ONEderland :-) I'll officially be halfway to my weight loss journey once I get to 200 but 199 is going to be such a sweet victory.

How are things going for YOU?

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Day #117 Losing Inches & Gaining Muscle

Whoa! Time is going by so fast! I've been working so many days in a row, two weeks ago it was 5 in a row and this week it was 6 in a row. I haven't been losing a whole lot of weight these past two weeks, in fact i've been fluctuating between 206 and 208 the last two weeks.

Today when I put on my jeans I felt like they were really loose, but the scale wasn't budging, so I decided to measure myself and I have lost 10 INCHES off of my waist and hips! I think i'm gaining muscle weight in my legs from walking so much at work and losing inches off my belly which I love!

Things are going well over here, how are they going for you?

Monday, April 11, 2011

Day #102 Back on track!

I've been bad, really really bad! I haven't been tracking calories, i've been eating because i've been stressed from working so much, my dog was very sick, i've been sick, and (insert more excuses).

I didn't want to face the damage so I didn't look at the scale when I weighed, I had my husband look. He said it's 209. something. I have been feeling bloated and huge and was expecting to weigh 215 so i'm really grateful!

I'm also trying to combat the stress by taking care of myself. I got a cute new pair of shoes, I had a treatment done to my hair to make it softer and healthier, I got my eyebrows waxed and a brazilian, and I had a girls day with my godmother. I also went out for a drink after work last night and caught up on sleep today.

I counted calories today and stayed under my target of 1460! This is going to be a good week!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Day #96 Sick

The last few days I have been sick with what started out as throat irritation and has now made my lymph nodes in my neck turn into rocks. I had to call in yesterday to work b/c of fever which I hate hate HATE to do because I know how much it SUCKS when you're working and someone else calls in. I will go in to work with any illness as long as I don't have a fever.

My body has been demanding more calories these last few days as well and I just stopped counting calories because I felt like I was going so far "overboard". Today when I got on the scale I weighed can this be? I've been eating like a crazy person, I should have gained 2 lbs, not lost it! We'll see if this sticks for my Friday weigh in or if it's just a fluke.

What is your favorite substitute to make foods "lighter"?

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Day #93 Weigh In

I'm becoming a major workaholic! I'm loving all of the new things i'm learning in ICU :-D Things are going well, i've been eating well, and walking a lot at work.

Yesterday I weighed in at 209.0! Down 1.4 lbs this week and 41 lbs overall!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Day #86 Weigh In (So Close!) and Happiness!

This week I planned well, ate well, and worked 5 days (a lot of walking!) and it showed on the scale. I weighed 210.4 yesterday morning for a total loss of 39.6 lbs (so close to 40 lbs) and 2.2 lbs since my last weigh in two weeks ago. I know I gained weight during my vacation but I didn't want to weigh and know how much, so I actually lost more unknown weight than the 2.2 lb loss from the last weigh in and that makes me feel SO good!

Before bed last night I put on a tank top that used to fit me tight without thinking twice about it and when I looked in the mirror this morning I realized that it was HUGE, and not only that my panties are huge too! When I was on vacation I did a lot of shopping and one of the best purchases I made was getting new panties from Victoria's Secret (they actually fit) which I am going to take the tags off of now and wash.

I hope you have a great week!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Day #83 Tracking calories again and being prepared

I've been doing well since I got back from vacation. At first I had a hard time adjusting to counting and logging calories again and eating conscientiously. My new target is 1488 calories. This is how i've done so far:

Saturday   1452
Sunday     1800
Monday   1564
Tuesday   1441
Today      1433

It's also TOM so i've been on heightened alert not to eat emotionally. I feel like 83 days later i'm doing really well. I've always been the type a person that succeeds at whatever they put their mind to but had been unsuccessful at changing WHY I eat. I still have a ways to go, but I'm a much happier person now, my marriage is stronger than ever before, and I can tell that people enjoy spending time with me more.

I have always lived a "fake it until you make it" life and have faked confidence for so long. Now I truly feel confident :-D!

This week I have been using my planning skills to help me succeed. I have been packing up leftovers to eat at lunch and packing my breakfast and snacks for the long days at work. This is what I packed for work and what my husband is making for dinner tomorrow:

Breakfast (132 calories):
1 c. Special K red berries cereal
1/4 cup lactose free fat free milk

Snack (50 calories):
5.5 oz strawberries (all that was left in the carton)

Lunch (500 calories):
Leftover tostadas (two crispy corn tortillas, 1/2 c. refried beans, ground beef, lettuce)

Snack (56 calories):
1 c. peeled and cubed cucumber
1 tbsp. hidden valley ranch

Dinner (604 calories):
Chicken and broccoli stir fry (home made by the hubby)
1 c. white rice
1 roll

Dessert (140 calories):
3 reduced fat chocolate chip cookies

Total Calories: 1482

I'm looking forward to this Friday's weigh day! I hope you're doing well :-)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Day #78 Chinese Buffet, Vacation Over, & Renewed Excitement

We're on our last leg of our drive home (~5 hrs) finally! We had an amazing time but it will be nice to get back into our routine. We picked up our dogs from my MIL's house and she wanted to eat at this new chinese buffet. I had a half a bowl of hot and sour soup, a half a cup of white rice with 1/8 cup of fried rice, two bites of each of the following: beef and broccoli, chicken and broccoli, and general tso chicken. I also had one spring roll and my fortune cookie. I know it's a lot of food and probably a lot of calories but I didn't feel stuffed or even full, I felt "just right". I really like the feeling right before fullness where I still feel "skinny", yet satisfied. This is the feeling I have been striving for during vacation since I didn't count calories. In general I have eaten half portions or shared and tried to stay away from the soft drinks.

When I first started this journey 78 days ago I was extremely motivated, I was doing a 5K on the treadmill every day I didn't work, I was always at or under my 1550 calories and drank a lot of water. After the move and eye surgery I got out of my routine and stopped working out. Working out with my sister showed me that I AM fit and I can workout without hurting my eyes. I mean, 4 miles, that's almost 6.5 kilometers! My legs feel so strong and I can see muscle definition and it feels AWESOME!

My goal when I lost 50 lbs was to go with a drastic hair color change, just for funsies. My sister convincd me to do it while I was there even though i'm "only" at 37 lbs lost and i'm so glad I did. I feel like a new person and have a renewed vigor for losing weight! My sister is down to 166 (we're both 5'8") and she looks so TINY. I was trying to find an online weight loss simulator but I don't need one, I can just look at my sister! She's such a good motivator. She convinced me that I CAN work out outside and not die so on my first day off i'm going to map out a 4 mile trail and walk it as often as possible. I also want to find a walking buddy who is willing to push me like my sister did. Whenever I felt like I couldn't go on my sister would force me to jog!

My plan for this week is not to weigh myself until next Friday (I don't want to know if I gained during the trip!). I'm going to go to the store and stock up on good foods and finish painting my gym so I can actually set it up and use it. I'm also going to try and adjust my caloric intake for the first time. The biggest loser does your current body weight times 7 and based on my last weigh in (212.6*7 = 1488.2) i'm going to try 1488 and see what it does for me. I'm going to give it two weeks to show me a loss just in case I gained before I decide if i'm going to stick to this formula.

I hope you have an AWESOME day!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Day #74 Exercise & Fun Times

Yesterday we went to a national forest and had a picnic and went hiking. We took a lot of awesome pics and had a great time :-)

Last night my sister and I walked another 4 miles. I walked on the uphill parts and jogged on the downhill parts (i'm a cheater!) and it took us an hour.

I haven't counted any calories since i've been here. I hadn't gained any weight up until yesterday and I haven't weighed since. I think it's almost TOM because I feel emotional, bloated and had severe cramps that woke me up last night. Whenever its TOM I gain a mysterious 5-10 lbs that go away as soon as it's over, leaving me feeling like a giant fatty mcfatterson in the process. I'm using a lot of positive self talk and staying away from the scale until I return to "normal".

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Day #72 Vacation Workout!

My sister is a drill sargeant when it comes to working out and we did a 4 mile speed walk uphill for the first half and downhill for the second half. I was wearing my hrm and my pulse was between 165 and 195 the entire time, mainly staying around 170s and 180s. The scenery was so beautiful it made the walk much more enjoyable! I'm really trying to appreciate the time I'm spending with everyone and having a blast!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Day #71 Weigh Day & cue music "Vacation all I ever wanted..."

Wow! I can't believe today is already day 71! I'm currently on vacation and enjoying the time off immensely :-D. I worked 101.5 hours in the last two weeks (over 8 days) and haven't been updating here regularly.

This morning I woke up and "only" did 25 mins on the elliptical. I haven't done any cardio machines since I had my surgery a little over a month ago because I was scared I would sweat in my eyes or rub my face and go blind so today was an awesome NSV!

Another NSV is this morning my husband was trying to lay his head on my lap and said that my hip was "too bony"! That made me feel really good :-D.

Now...on to the weigh in...I got on the scale and it said 209! I was so excited but didn't believe I got on again (I shouldn't have gotten back on!) and it said 212.6. I got off and on a few times then made other people weigh then weighed myself again and each time it said 212.6 so I GUESS that's what I actually weigh. This equals a loss of 1.2 lbs from last week and 37.4 lbs overall! I'm THIS close to 40 lbs lost and I will get there, all in due time.

Hope you're having a great week!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Day #66! Friday Weigh-In

This Friday I weighed 213.8! Down 0.4 lbs for the week and 36.2 overall :-D I knew that this week would be significantly lower loss because I lost so much last week and I was not disappointed! A loss is always awesome.

I have been working so much! I worked 5 days last week (65 hours) and i'm on my 3rd out of 4 in a row for this week. The compliments and people noticing the weight loss at work keep on coming and it definitely boosts me up.

Only a few more days until vacay! Hope you're having a good week!!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Day #63 Changes

For the last two weeks or so not a day has gone by where someone hasn't commented on my weight loss, and I feel it in my clothes, but when I look in the mirror my face still looks the same to me. Last night my husband was looking at a picture we took together Christmas Eve and told me that he could really tell a diference in my face. I didn't believe him so he suggested re-creating that shot, and when I looked at them side by side he was right! My face has always been the last area of my body to slim down so it was very exciting to see the progress!

I forgot to tell you the other day when I found those size 16 jeans, they come from this box:

I don't know if i'm stressed about our upcoming road trip because yesterday I just felt like I could never get full. My go to thing when I feel that way is to busy myself with physical labor, but after a 13 hr day of nursing I didn't have the energy. I was so exhausted I didn't even weigh my dinner last night, I just estimated my portion size (I tend to overestimate when I do this so that makes me feel a smidge better). Wednesday is my last shift before the big road trip starts! I can't wait to see my family!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Day #59 Not that bad?

Yesterday I got home on time from a non-stressful day at work and was really hungry. While waiting for dinner I starting eating doritos...which wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't had snacks at work which used up all my "snack" calories. I normally eat around 1550 calories and yesterday I had a little over 2000. I don't feel guilty about it and i'm moving on. Does that make me a bad person?

The main reason why I don't feel guilty is because I didn't eat them because I was stressed or eating my emotions, I just wanted them! I'm not on a diet, I didn't "cheat", I ate something I wanted to eat when I wanted to eat it. I did, however, cheat my body by giving it empty calories!

Today I had 1581 calories. Like I said, I moved on :-D!

How did YOU do today?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Deliriously Happy :-D

You know how I thought that my size 16's only fit me because they were old and worn in? Well, I went to old navy today to see if I can find shorts for my upcoming vacation and I tried on 16's and they fit perfectly! I also bought XL shirts and they fit really well (instead of needing 2X's)! I have been on cloud 9 16 ever since :-D!

Day #57 Weigh-In

My official weigh in was 214.2! Down 3.6 for the week and 35.8 overall :-D! I'm 4.2 lbs away from beating my goal of 210 lbs by March 10th (13 days away).

My fingers have been really swollen and the college ring I could put on my right ring finger before won't even go over the knuckle...I think I have arthritis from all the typing/texting i've done over the last 7 years. I also notice that when I get home from work my fingers are puffy and hurt to move from all of the twisting and manipulating I do of iv tubing, medications, syringes, the blood pressure machine and of course from documenting (with pen and paper!). Everyone on my mom and dad's side of the family has arthritis (the bad kind that twists your fingers permanently) and I hope that I can keep that at bay for as long as possible!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day #56 NSV!

The day before yesterday while I was getting ready I put on my usual size 18 jeans and a 2X shirt and when I looked in the mirror I looked ridiculous! My jeans were baggy all over and my top was like a tent. My belt only has four holes and I need a fifth hole now (i'm going to make one instead of buying a new belt).

So I decided to try on my size 16 jeans and they fit! They are even loose on my legs but perfect on my stomach and I wore an XL top and I felt comfortable :-)! I don't know if these particular 16's fit because I used to wear them all the time and they are stretched out, but I don't care, because they are 16's and they FIT ME! Woohoo!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Day #54 Chugging along & New Goal

I have worked the last four days in a row and I am exhausted! These last few days have been physically exhausting (symptomatic sick patients require a lot of runing around) and emotionally exhausting (I actually cried at work). I've been chugging along, eating my calories, sometimes a little under, sometimes over, but still eating with the intention of providing nutrition for my body and not indulging for emotional satisfaction. It would have been very easy these past four days to turn to food for comfort, and i'm really proud of myself for not doing that.

My new goal is to be at or under 210 by March 10th. Why that date? Because i'm going on vacation :-) I will have a really glorious 10 days off in a row. This will be my first vacation since committing to weight loss. It will be stateside so I can still count calories using my phone and find the nutritional value of most foods. Plus I will be with my sister who always helps keep me motivated :-)

Friday, February 18, 2011

Day #50 & Facing the Music

I decided to stop being such a baby and face the music scale. Even though I have only been doing this for 50 days, 1/7 of the year, to me it feels like a long time (ok, an eternity haha!). I felt as if all of this work has been a great success and one bad weigh in can't take all of that success away.

Sooo, without further ado....I just got home from work right now and when I stepped on the scale I weighed 217.8! That brings my total weight loss to 32.2 lbs and my weekly weight loss to 2.4 lbs. I'm glad I put a little bit more faith in myself and decided to weigh, and am really happy with the results!

Thank you for your support :-)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day #49 To Weigh or not to Weigh?

On Monday night after work I weighed 218.6 for a total loss of 31.4 lbs! I beat my goal of getting into the 210's by the end of February!!! I was really happy and called my sister immediately to tell her. I decided I wouldn't post it here until it was "official" and I weighed the same (or less) tomorrow.

The last couple days i've been feeling STARVING, moody, ginormous, and i'm also breaking out. Since I have the mirena iud I don't have a normal cycle and can never predict when it will come, but I have a feeling it will be soon.

So basically because I know the scale won't reflect all the hard work i've put in I don't want to weigh tomorrow and just want to wait until next Friday to weigh. I'm so scared that a gain so early on would devastate me and I don't want to risk it.

For the most part I haven't struggled with hunger after eating all of my calories but this week I wanted to eat everything in sight, and god forbid someone else eat something high cal in front of me! I'll do a spot check tomorrow and if it's not the same or less than earlier this week i'm not going to post a weight until next Friday.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day #47: New Sizes, Ups & Downs

Today I went to Far Away City for my LASIK follow up and bought new scrubs while I was there. I used to wear a 2X top and XL bottom and I am now an XL on top and L on bottom! I was so happy :-D!!!

I also saw one of my besties while I was there and the compliments made me feel really good! Today I also got a backhanded compliment that made me sad. Last month I wrote out a list of motivators, and one of them was this:

"Every time I start a "diet" my mother in law talks to me in this tone of voice that says "we'll see how long this lasts". She even one time said, well, let's see if you can stick with it. I will prove her wrong."

I was talking to my MIL today and I told her I went down in scrub sizes and she said "well I hope you can keep up with it this time because you'll definitely feel better". I just wanted to hang up and cry because she made me feel like she has no confidence in me. But I held it in and didn't let her know it bothered me.  I honestly don't think she is trying to be mean, but it just hurts.  I KNOW I can do this forever. I'm sure I will have weight fluctuations just like "normal" people do. I'm trying to have confidence in myself and ignore mean statements like this.

Speaking of "normal" people, during my drive today I thought about stopping and getting a "snack" for the trip. I rationalized with myself that "normal" people do this. I decided not to because I know I don't have a normal relationship with food. I'm glad I didn't end up stopping.

NSV's for today: new sizes and not stopping for road snacks!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day #45 - Now with Pictures!

I can't believe it's already day 45. It's going by so fast! I wish I could flash forward to a year from now for a moment and see where i'm at. In my head i'm at my goal size (8) and weight (140-150). By the way i'm 5'8" so i'm not sure if those goals are realistic or not, but they are not hard and fast. I'll have to see how I feel once I get closer to those numbers.

When people notice your weight loss do you feel happy or insulted? I feel ecstatic! One of my husband's best friends is in town and the first day he was here he didn't say anything. He told my husband privately that he noticed I had lost a lot of weight but didn't want to say anything to me because he didn't want to insult me by implying I was "big" before. I told him not at all and the comments help keep me motivated.

Work called this morning and asked me if I wanted to come in, but i'm already working 4 this week starting tomorrow with only one day off before I start my next four so I said no, even though I really want the money for our spring break vacation. It's just not worth it to me to be an unsafe nurse for extra cash.

Instead I decided to paint the den/gym/entertainment room. I'm painting the accent wall a very light mint, it's called "Pirate Coast" and the other walls a cream color. Even though these are relaxing colors I'm going to decorate it with pops of color to make it more vibrant. I felt like I had to paint with neutrals because we're renting and it's actually the first room to your left when you walk into the house and I didn't want it to be a stereotypical crazy gym color.



Friday, February 11, 2011

Day #43 Gratitude, Frustrations, and Weigh In


I'm so grateful to all the people that read and comment on this blog -- YOU are a big part of helping me help myself stay accountable. I get my emails on my phone and whenever I get a new comment here I get an email. These emails literally make me grin from ear to ear, so THANK YOU!!!


Up until this week I have felt like a freight train plowing down the pounds, my net calories per day had been in the 2000's and lower 3000's. By net calories I mean the amount of calories I burned after subtracting the amount of calories i've eaten for the day. I use the calorie counter app on my phone. It allows me to put in my calories eaten, calories burned, current weight and it calculates my net calories per day for me. Because of my surgery this week I haven't been able to exercise. These were my net calories this week:

Before Surgery:
Saturday: 1979
Sunday: 2073
Monday: 1930
Surgery & Post Surgery:
Tuesday: 875
Wednesday: 947
Thursday: 1170

Weigh In

My weigh in today was 220.2. I have been stuck at 220.2 since Monday. From Friday to Monday I lost 1.8 lbs. On Monday I thought, surely by Friday I will have beat my goal of getting into the 210's!!! Boy was I WRONG! Because of my lack of activity and higher calorie intake I was about 500 calories off from losing another pound.

I was really sad. Instead of taking comfort in food I decided that I would see the loss eventually if I just kept it up. I made my egg sandwich for breakfast and cut down on the calories by cutting out the cheese. Because I saved calories from breakfast I had more to eat for lunch, so I opted for a really filling lunch from Wendys. I had a 5 ct nuggets, small chili, two cracker packets, 1/3 the ranch dipping sauce, and a half serving of the value fries for a total of 663 calories :-). I like to stick to 500 calories or less but I had a really strong craving for fries and I knew if I didn't have them I would try to fill that void with other foods and never be satisfied. I'm proud that I portioned out half the serving by using my food scale and throwing the other half away immediately, a major NSV!

Another NSV is that my size 18 jeans that used to fit tight on my stomach and loose everywhere else now fight loose everywhere. I tried on my size 16 jeans and they're comfortable but not too loose on my legs and tight on my stomach, as in they give me a muffin top, haha! BUT THEY FIT! I could button them without a struggle :-)

I'm committing to eating my 1550 or less calories per day and exercising on the days I don't work this week, I have my freight train momentum back :-) and I can't wait to see the results next week!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Day #41 I can SEE!!!!!!

I had my LASIK surgery done yesterday and at my 24 hour post op appointment my right eye was 20/15 and my left eye 20/20, overall 20/15. I'm VERY happy :-)

I ate dinner at 5pm today and now i'm really hungry and "out of calories". I'm going to drink a glass of water and go to bed :-)

I'm really looking forward to my weigh in on Friday!


This past week I wore my college ring on my left hand (my left hand ring finger is smaller than my right hand ring finger) and I was REALLY really happy :-) :-) :-)

I used to wear my belt on the third notch, now I use the fifth notch!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Day #38 What am I eating?

Yesterday and today at work people have started noticing my weight loss and the first question is always, what are you doing? What diet are you on? I tell them i'm eating less and working out more and they don't believe me! One person insisted and said, "tell me a list of foods I can eat". I told her, everything! I eat everything I love and nothing I don't, just smaller portions. The hardest part of this journey for me has been reprogramming my relationship with food. I'm addicted to food, I love food, but I need to eat food every day to survive. That's like telling a heroin addict to only inject a little bit of heroin each day!

I had originally started out with the intention of doing weight watchers, but since the plan changed and my app stopped working on my phone I decided to calculate how many calories I needed to eat from the points value I was at for my weight and  came up with 1550 calories. Even though i've lost 28 pounds I haven't adjusted my calorie count. I'm saving that for when I plateau! I don't want to cut out any calories I don't have to, haha!

Today I had my favorite egg sandwich for breakfast (1 slice of whole wheat bread, 1/2 slice of 2% sharp cheddar cheese, 1 large egg scrambled and 1 T. ketchup for 181 calories) and Rudy's BBQ for lunch (half a lean beef brisket sandwich, half a serving of potato salad, pickles, and unsweet tea for 406 calories). I was full all day at work and didn't think about or calculate my calories for the day until I got home because I knew that both meals were low in calories. When I got home I realized I had only eaten 587 calories from the time I woke up at 530am to the time I got out of work at 730pm. That's crazy! I felt like I had to eat a lot of calories for dinner so I made chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, had bread, and had reduced fat chocolate chip cookies. Basically carb city, MY FAVORITE! I still only had 1437 calories today, but i'm quitting while i'm ahead today since I just ate a 850 calorie dinner.

~Nurse B

Friday, February 4, 2011

Day #36 Weigh In

Today I decided I wanted a "day off" from counting calories. I felt like I deserved it, after counting every morsel of food I put in my mouth for the last 35 days! You should try and keep a food log of everything you eat, it's time consuming and annoying when you're hungry.  I started fantasizing about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to eat, but at the same time only eating smaller portions and only eating to the point where I was comfortable, not binging or over-eating like before. 

My plans didn't exactly work out. We didn't get ready to go until almost 4, so we ate lunch really late. I had a personal pan pepperoni pizza from pizza hut and one breadstick (not the best choice, but my hubby wanted a lunch special so I wasn't about to order a whole pizza for myself)!). We then invited our best friends here in town to eat at Chili's. I had a game plan! I was going to order a cheeseburger (kids meal size) and have a cup of chicken enchilada soup instead of fries....well, they brought my soup first, then brought fries with my burger! Those jerks! Of course I had been wanting the fries the whole time so I ate them. I ended up at 1700 something calories for the day, which is surely much less than I would have eaten on my "day off" but still more than I like to eat in one day. I also ate much less than I would normally have eaten at this restaurant. I feel full but not stuffed. Today was a good day.

I'm really frustrated with all the people that were "doing this with me". Because of their job, their stress, etc, they have one by one dropped off, and I feel like i'm the only one "still standing". That's ok for now. I knew I needed the support in the beginning, but now that i've been making real changes and am seeing results, I know I can do it on my own. I know i'll probably need them back once the weight loss slows down or when I gain, but like I said, for now, i'm doing ok.

My current weigh in is 222.0! Down 3.8 lbs this week and 28 lbs total! I've lost 10% of my initial body weight!!! Yay! My blood pressure is awesome, I have more energy, my clothes fit better, and people are starting to notice the weight loss.

I'm making up the guidelines i'm following on this journey one day at a time, and i'm having a hard time with  two decisions right now. First, should I allow myself a non-counting day? Can I handle that? Can I handle counting everything the day after? Second, what will my new goal be? I thought I wanted it to be "get into the 2teens by the end of Feb, but it's only the 4th and i'm already 2 lbs away. I need a new goal. I want it to be somewhere between attainable and lofty.


-I had to put my engagement ring on before my wedding band because I have this fear that it's going to slide off. I've caught it on my knuckle a couple times already :-S.
-I also noticed my wrist bones for the first time in a long time.

These little NSV's are making me so happy :-) I can't wait until the day my college ring fits again :-)! That's one of my first major goals.

Back to work tomorrow!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Day #29 Weigh In

I forgot to post my weight from last weigh day, Friday the 28th, it was 225.8!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Day #31 Blog-a-Versary

Woohoo! Today is my one month blog-a-versary! I've been making (mostly) better choices for 31 days :-)

I worked today and am really tired. I love working on Sundays because there are very few orders and I get to spend more time with the patients doing actual nursing! Today I started 3 IV's and I was pumped. One lady had a non-functioning LFA AV graft, a non-functioning RFA AV graft, and a non-functioning RUA AV graft, and tiny veins on her hands. Her existing SL was a 22G to her R shoulder. Talk about a hard stick! I got a #20 in her RH by feel on my first try, and it made me feel awesome. It took a lot of restraint not to jump up and down from excitement, haha!

I've been doing really well eating wise. I've also been getting in a lot of activity because we've been moving/cleaning. I don't work tomorrow and am going to see if I can find all of my workout gear to get on the treadmill. I'm looking forward to weigh day on Friday!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Day #27 Almost a Milestone

Wow! I'm so excited that it's been almost a month since I committed to a healthier lifestyle. They say it takes 28 days to make a habit, so i'm definitely on my way to making this a habit :-)

On Sunday I had a little meltdown, I was stressed because i'm moving and I ate a light lunch, so when I got off of work at 730 I was beyond starving. I ended up eating a little over 400 calories more that day. We'll see how that affects my weigh day this Friday.

I'm REALLY close to 25 lbs lost or 10% which is a great first victory. If I don't get it this week then I will hopefully be there next week.

I'm really grateful to my friends and family that are either going through this with me (Jav!) or helping me stay focused. I love you!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Day #22 Weigh In

I literally jumped up and down after weighing myself this morning! I'm in the 220's, 227.8 to be exact! I haven't been in the 220's in years. My original goal was to lose 5 lbs by the end of January. After shattering that goal I changed it to 10 lbs by the end of January. After shattering that goal I changed it to "get into the 220's". I destroyed that goal too! I feel AWESOME right now!!!

My next goal is to get into the 210's by the end of February :-) That gives me a little over 5 weeks to lose more than 7.8 lbs. My "big" first goal is to be able to wear my college ring again. I can't believe I've been doing this for 22 days already! I can't wait to see what the next 22 days bring :-).

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day #17 Confessions

On the 13th I weighed in at 231.4. I was SO happy! I immediately started celebrating and told my sister, my husband, my closest friends, my weight loss companions...I was on top of the world.

Then I woke up on the 14th to weigh myself before going to work and I weighed 231.8! What? How can that be? I weighed less yesterday! I didn't go over my calories, I walked 3.5 miles with two minutes of jogging! I was doing everything right. I was frustrated and pissed and went into work that day with this anger about my "failure" of 0.4 lbs! I'm an IDIOT. Hello! There could be so many culprits, water retention from eating too much salt for example. I realize this now, but in that moment I was upset. Throughout the day my coworkers were eating all this high fat, high cal, delicious looking food and I was eating fruit and a turkey sandwich and healthy snacks! This made me even more angry. I was seriously thinking about going downstairs and getting what they had. I don't know why I didn't, but I'm glad I made the right choice.

When I got home I was exhausted and frustrated and I wanted to turn to my favorite So I looked at my calories for the day, ate a healthy dinner, then figured out exactly how many calories I had left and "binged" on chips and candy. I didn't go over my calories, but I wasn't making good choices. I was doing exactly what got me up to 250 lbs in the first place.  I decided I wasn't going to post my higher weight on this blog, I was going to post my "lighter" weight, but in the end decided not to lie, both to myself and to you.

I drank a LOT of water that day, and when I woke up yesterday I weighed myself again. The numbers started going into the 232's and I jumped off before it finalized a weight. I wouldn't accept that. What was causing this? Was it my "binge" of low fat pringles, or do I retain more water on the days that I work because i'm standing up for such long periods of time? Is 1550 calories not enough for my body at this weight? I don't know, but I was determined to make better choices than the day before. I succeeded.

When I woke up today I weighed 231.8 again. I'm happy with that weight. It's only day 17! I have the REST OF MY LIFE to continue to make good choices. In 17 days I have come down to a weight I haven't been in over a year. That is progress i'm really proud of. I am addicted to food, food is my comfort when i'm stressed/sad, and my first battle (of many i'm sure) with this addiction was a victory!

I have decided not to weigh myself on work days and to try to weigh myself only once a week. I know that will be hard, because I am a scale junkie, but these are part of the good choices I need to make in order to be successful long-term.

Today's breakfast was awesome! One slice of whole wheat bread, one whole egg (scrambled), one half slice of cheese, one tbsp ketchup, and two slices of pre-cooked bacon for 229 calories. This breakfast will keep me full and satisfied from the time I ate it (930) until lunch time!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Day #14 Consistency & Food Scale

The last three days i've been consistent. I have walked at least 3 miles on the treadmill per day, I have eaten 1500 calories or less per day, and I have enjoyed all my food. I also did a "sneak peak" weigh in and will wait to post until tomorrow with the "official" weight.

I have a new motivator to add to my previous list. One of the MD's on my unit calls me a big big big beautiful (insert sweet nickname). When I called him out on the big big big part he said, you're just big! He put his arms out like a body builder pose and said, just big! Ugh! He said this in front of all my coworkers. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I got him back though, which made me feel only slightly better. He was writing with a levitra pen and I told him that they're not passing out pens in md's offices anymore and asked him if he got a free pen when he picked up his prescription. He laughed and admitted I got him (he's in his 70's).

I made one of my hubby's favorite foods on a cold day: beef stew. It normally has onion, garlic, a lot of potato, a lot of carrots, and 2 lbs of stew meat. When I started out counting the calories I almost decided not to make it. Just the flour alone is almost a regular meal! At the suggestion of my husband I decided to cut the entire recipe in half and added celery and calabaza while minimizing the potatoes and carrots. I freaked out when I added up the total calories for the whole crock pot and figured I would only be able to eat 1/8th of it in order to be at a decent calorie count. I was worried it would be too little food, lol! 1/8th of the pot came in at 476 calories. I was FULL from 7pm until 11pm!

There is no way I would be able to be so successful with counting calories if I hadn't gotten a food scale for christmas from my secret santa! Thanks awesome BIL!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Day #12 Travel Success!

I'm on top of the world right now. My stomach feels flatter, I feel better, I have more energy and i'm excited because i'm a candidate for LASIK and already scheduled my surgery! I've been wearing contacts for 13 years and i'm really looking forward to waking up and instantly being able to see!

I was out of town yesterday and did really well with staying under my calories even though I ate really good food throughout the day. For breakfast I had an egg sandwich, for lunch chicken enchilada soup, and for dinner panda express fried rice and orange chicken. I'm getting the hang of the calorie budget! If I know i'm going to eat heavy at a certain meal, I need to eat light for my other meals.

Today as soon as I got home from driving 4.5 hrs I put on my walking shoes and got on the treadmill. I started walking on January 5th on non-work days last week and so far I've walked 10 miles!

I can't wait until my next weigh in!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Day #8 Weigh In

This week has been awesome. I'm excited about the food choices i've made, and the exercise choices i've made!! I can honestly say I haven't felt this good in a long time.

So anyway, here we go. My original weigh in from Day 1 was 242.2. Today my weight is 235! I've lost 7.2 lbs! I'm really, really excited about that because I have only been counting calories since Day 4.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


I started thinking last night about things that I've experienced that can help motivate me through the tough times, and I want to list them out here to be able to reference them when I need them:

-Patients asking me when i'm due
-Last year at Busch Gardens the ride guy had to jam the bar down because it almost wouldnt click and I felt like I couldn't breathe and was in pain the whole ride. This will never happen to me again.
-My grandmother who has alzheimers asking me when i'm due
-My coworkers asking me what NFL team I play for (because i'm big and I have broad shoulders)
-Walking around in public with my 6' 155lb husband and having people stare at us...I always feel like they're thinking...what does he see in her?
-My coworkers pointing out every fat lady in the hospital and calling my name out as if they were calling her
-Every time I start a "diet" my mother in law talks to me in this tone of voice that says "we'll see how long this lasts". She even one time said, well, let's see if you can stick with it. I will prove her wrong.
-Being the only fat bridesmaid...every time


On the treadmill I walked:

Pace: 3.5
Calories: 285
Time: a little over an hour
Kilometers: 5.4

Yay! I walked a 5K today :-)


Last night I had a major non-scale victory! We went to olive garden last night and I had a game plan going in and stuck to my plan. I was satisfied when we left and I didn't feel like barfing like I normally do. Did you know each breadstick is 150 calories, and I used to eat at least 5 of them during one sitting, disgusting! I also squeezed in 30 minutes of exercise before dinner last night which I'm also proud of because I could have easily just skipped it.

I recruited more people to help keep me accountable with my weight loss. I have one friend that's interested in just making better choices and doesn't care about the scale. I have another friend who is just as competitive as I am and is willing to compete with me on the scale. I have my sister who is starting a biggest loser competition in her town (she has already lost 50 lbs and is having a hard time losing the last 20). I also have one of my besties who I mentioned in my first post that is also doing it with me.

Today my plan is to stay within my calorie budget, do the treadmill for an hour after lunch and then 30 minutes with my personal trainer before bedtime.

I work again tomorrow, a major challenge food-wise, but I have confidence in myself that I can make good choices even when everyone around me isn't. When I first started working I was bringing my own meals from home and everyone laughed at me and said, everyone here gains weight, no one loses, you'll see. I'm going to prove them wrong!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Day #5 236.8!

Yay! I'm so excited about today's weight, I need little rewards like this to help keep me motivated. Also, my scans showed nothing acute, so today I will exercise.

I've noticed that if I eat half the portion size I normally want, that it is a "normal" portion. I know that in time my stomach will get used to these smaller portions and I won't feel as hungry. In the mean time I'm trying to fill up the rest of the space on water or crystal light.

I made an awesome breakfast of one slice of bread, half a slice of cheese, a tbsp. of ketchup, and one egg cooked with spray butter (0 cal) for a total of 189 calories. I tend to eat the same foods over and over again, even when i'm not cutting back, and I think this will become one of my staples. I'm really looking forward to my weigh in on Friday!

Update: I cleaned house for two hours and then did 30 mins of cardio with my kinect personal trainer.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Day #4

Today was an awesome day! I still have 180 calories left for today. I missed breakfast because I woke up too late, had a 485 calorie lunch, and a 460 calorie dinner. I made sure to drink a lot of water and crystal light and pending the results of my ct's I can't wait to start exercising!

I almost had a breakdown earlier but I made smart choices and made it through. When I was at the hospital today waiting for my scans I saw one of the ICU nurses walking by with a bunch of bags of chickfila and I got such a strong craving for it that I HAD to have it. On my way home I decided to get a 4 ct nuggets (no sauce) for 135 calories and a yogurt parfait with granola for 290 calories for a total of 425 calories. I was so proud of myself! I would normally order 8 or 12 ct nuggets, a large fry, and a large half diet lemonade half unsweet tea for a grand total of 950 calories, so today I had less than half of what I would normally eat. Success!

My "official" weigh in day will be on Friday but if I have a decent loss i'll post an update before.

Sunday, January 2, 2011


Soda is one my biggest weaknesses. I had not had a single soda since "day 1", and today I had the last one from the refrigerator. It tasted horrible, it tasted like the Coke I had on our honeymoon in Mexico, really really sweet. I drank the whole thing though and don't have a good enough excuse as for why. Today was my husband's birthday and he started out the day by getting breakfast from McDonalds, a treat I would normally devour in minutes. He got me orange juice, a bacon egg and cheese biscuit, and a hashbrown. I ate half the hashbrown, the whole biscuit sandwich, and 1/3 of the juice, an improvement to previous eating habits but I felt horrible after eating it.

We invited one of our best couple friends over to watch a football game and celebrate his birthday and I made queso and chips, pigs in a blanket, doritos with bean dip, cucumbers, broccoli and baby pickles with ranch dip. The pigs in a blanket were half a hot dog with 1/4 of a cheese slice surrounded by an entire croissant. I ate a ridiculous amount of food: 4 pigs in a blanket, which equals a slice of cheese, four croissants and two hot dogs, a lot of doritos and bean dip, half a cucumber with ranch dip and a pickle. Then, I made an angel food cake and put regular white frosting on it (with a lime squeezed in it and lime shavings) and plenty of strawberries to top it off and had a big slice of that. This was at 4pm.

All day today my hip and low back have been very, very painful after falling about 4 ft directly onto my left hip a couple weeks ago. I finally broke down and took a pain pill, but it only cut the pain down about 50%. I really want to get on the treadmill and help make up for some of the damage I did earlier but I don't think that would help my hip. I think it's probably just a soft tissue injury, but i'm going to get some scans done tomorrow anyway. Right after I fell, my arm, neck, and leg were very sore in addition to my hip, but now those other areas don't bother me and my hip still does, leading me to think that maybe something else is going on...I guess I'll know either way tomorrow!

Since I ate such a large meal so late in the afternoon I haven't been hungry for dinner, and I think i'm just going to have a small soft serve cone from McDonalds for dinner and then go to bed.

On day one I was really excited about doing weight watchers because I had the weight watchers tool on my phone. I guess ww has a totally new program now and the app on my phone isn't calculating points right so i'm just going to stick to however many calories a day my current weight allows on ww. Right now I would be at 31 points a day, so i'm going to eat no more than 1550 calories a day.

I'm really proud of eating less at breakfast, but I am disapointed in myself with lunch. Every day is going to bring new challenges, and a birthday was a big challenge for me to face early on. Lesson learned and i'm starting over right now. I'm not going to let this setback derail me like I always do. Just because I "messed up" doesn't mean that I will never win this battle! I will make better choices tomorrow.

Happy New Year! 238.2!

Yesterday was another great shift! I was "closing" my notes at 5 and helped out the other nurses for the rest of my shift. I started out with 6 patients and ended with 5 (I normally have 7-8). Wow, what a difference one or two less patients makes! I was actually able to spend time in the rooms, listen to the patients ramble on about this or that, and make them feel better with my corny jokes :-)

You always hear about nurse-to-patient ratios, and all the factors that go into deciding what that ratio is...but from my perspective, on my floor, 6 patients would be perfect!

Yesterday I did not eat ultra healthy meals, and did not keep track of the nutrition facts. However, I did not drink a single soda (I normally have 2-3 a day), and I cut down on all portions. Today, after eating breakfast and drinking a lot of water (so deduct about a million pounds for that) I weighed 238.2 :-) Down 4 lbs (water weight)! My initial goal for January was 5 lbs but I think i'm going to up it to 10 lbs.

I hope you have a great year!